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27. My Third Piece of Translation Exercise (passage from "David Copperfield")

The original passage (taken from "David Copperfield" (《大衛•考勃菲爾》另譯《大衛•科波菲爾》舊譯《塊肉餘生記》) by Charles Dickens):

The length of those five days I can convey no idea of to anyone. They occupy the place of years in my remembrance. The way in which I listened to all the incidents of the house that made themselves audible to me: the ringing of bells, the opening and shutting of doors, the murmuring of voices, the footsteps on the stairs; to any laughing, whistling, or singing outside, which seemed more dismal than anything else to me in my solitude and disgrace; the uncertain pace of the hours, especially at night, when I would wake thinking it was morning, and find that the family were not yet gone to bed, and that all the length of night had yet to come; the depressed dreams and nightmares I had; the return of day, noon, afternoon, evening, when the boys played in the churchyard, and I watched them from a distance within the room, being ashamed to show myself at the window lest they should know I was a prisoner; the strange sensation of never hearing myself speak; the fleeting intervals of something like cheerfulness, which came with eating and drinking, and went away with it; the setting in of rain one evening, with a fresh smell, and its coming down faster and faster between me and the church, until it and gathering night seemed to quench me in gloom, and fear, and remorse─all this appears to have gone round and round for years instead of days, it is so vividly and strongly stamped on my remembrance.


My Chinese translation:

我完全無法向任何人道出那五天實在有多長,它們卻深印在我記憶中已經有多年之久。仍記得屋子裡發生的種種事情所產生的聲響我如何能清楚聆聽到:鈴聲、開門關門聲、喃喃細語聲、上落樓梯聲;仍記得那些比任何其他東西使我因為自己的孤獨和不光彩而產生的鬱結感覺更覺強烈的、外面傳來的歡笑聲、口哨聲或者是歌聲;仍記得對每天特別是晚間時間流逝速度的不確定感覺,使我在晚間醒來時候還以為已經是早上了,卻發覺原來大家仍未上床睡覺,漫漫長夜只是剛剛開始;仍記得許多令我抑鬱沮喪的夢和噩夢;仍記得一日復一日,不論是中午、下午還是黃昏時間,當男孩子們在教堂墓地嬉戲的時候,我總是在距離他們遠處這所房間內的一角觀看著他們,但我不想靠近窗子被他們看到我在這裡,我羞於讓他們知道我是一個被囚禁著;仍記得那份久久沒有聽到自己說話的聲音的古怪感覺;仍記得許多因大家一起聚餐吃喝而起、然而稍縱即逝的歡樂氛圍,一切隨著吃喝過後而消逝;仍記得一個黃昏時分突然而來的帶有清新氣味的雨,一場在我和教堂之間愈下愈大的雨,這場雨像是在緊接來到的夜晚,在我身處淒酸、恐懼和悔疚的境況中給我解渴一樣──這一切一切似是車輪不停地轉動著離我而去,不是短短數天而已經是好多年了,它仍是那樣生動和強而有力的烙在我的記憶裡。


Translation of the same passage copied from a book for comparison:

這五天有多長,我對誰也說不出來;在記憶中這五天所占的時間有好多年那麼長。我細聽所有聽得見的家裡各件事情──有人扯鈴,開門關門、人發出的嘈雜聲、上下樓梯;聽外面無論誰的笑、吹口哨、唱歌(在我煢獨無伴,挨罰期間,歌聲比什麼都悽慘);時光的步伐沒有一定快慢,特別是晚上我一覺醒來,以為已經天亮,發現家人還沒有睡覺,夜還有很長一大段在後面呢;我做的是悲夢和噩夢;又是一天到了,中午、下午、晚上,別的孩子在教堂墳場遊戲,我在房裡遠遠望著他們,不好意思在窗口露面,生怕他們知道我被關起來了;從來不聽到自己說話的特別的感覺;吃喝時高興一下,一吃喝完立即不覺得的那一類飛逝的短短片刻;有一天黃昏時下雨,有股清爽氣味,雨在我和教堂之間越下越驟,到末了雨和越來越深的夜,好像把我浸入黑暗、恐怖、悔恨──這一切似乎不是成幾天,而是成幾年地周而復始,都在我記憶中栩栩如生,重重烙下痕跡。

(Written on June 19, 2010)