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36. My Eighth Piece of Translation Exercise (passage from "David Copperfield")

The original passage (taken from "David Copperfield" (《大衛•考勃菲爾》另譯《大衛•科波菲爾》舊譯《塊肉餘生記》) by Charles Dickens):

My aunt, with every sort of expression but wonder discharged from her countenance, sat on the gravel, staring at me, until I began to cry, when she got up in a great hurry, collared me, and took me into the parlour. Her first proceeding there was to unlock a tall press, bring out several bottles, and pour some of the contents of each into my mouth. I think they must have been taken out at random, for I am sure I tasted aniseed water, anchovy sauce, and salad dressing. When she had administered these restoratives, as I was still quite hysterical, and unable to control my sobs, she put me on the sofa, with a shawl under my head, and the handkerchief from her own head under my feet, lest I should sully the cover, and then, sitting herself down behind the green fan or screen I have already mentioned, so that I could not see her face, ejaculated at intervals, "Mercy on us!" letting those exclamations off like minute guns.


My Chinese translation:

我姑婆坐在碎石路上緊盯著我,除了驚詫外流露出種種不同的神情,直至我哭了起來。這時候她快快站起身,抓住我入到廳裡,她首先做的事,是解開一個高身櫃的鎖,拿出幾個瓶子,把瓶裡的東西每樣倒些入我嘴裡。我相信瓶子一定是隨意沒甚麼特別次序拿出來的,因為我肯定嚐到了茴芹籽水、鯷魚醬和沙律醬的味道。向我灌過這些恢復劑後,見我還是這樣歇斯底里,仍無法控制自己不斷飲泣,她放我到長沙發上面,用巾圍著我頸部,用她頭頂的手帕放到我腳下,免得我損毀了長沙發表面。然後當她坐到我曾經提過那綠色風扇後面下方我看不到她面部時,便如小槍般連珠炮發,不斷呼叫起來:「上天憐憫我們啊!」


Translation of the same passage copied from a book for comparison:

姨婆臉上除了駭異之外,沒有任何別種表情,一直坐在石子上瞪著我,等我哭起來了,才急急忙忙站起來,揪住我領子,把我帶進起坐間。她到了那裡第一件事是打開一個高櫃子的鎖,拿出了好幾個瓶子,每瓶裡倒出了些東西到我嘴裡。我想這些瓶子一定是隨便拿的,因為我嘗到大茴香水、鰽魚汁、生菜滷汁。她給我喝了這些補藥之後,看我還是過度興奮,哭泣得不能停止,就把我放在沙發上躺下,頭底下墊了一條圍巾,把她自己頭上的圍巾放在我腳底下,怕我弄髒了套子。然後她自己坐在我上面提到的綠團扇或者屏風後面,以免我看見她的臉,不時叫一句,「我的天哪!」就像每隔一分鐘放一次的號砲一般。

(Written on April 13, 2011)