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60. My Nineteenth Piece of Translation Exercise (passage from "Jane Eyre")

The original passage (taken from "Jane Eyre" (《簡愛》) by Charlotte Bronte):

I skirted fields, and hedges, and lanes till after sunrise. I believe it was a lovely summer morning: I know my shoes, which I had put on when I left the house, were soon wet with dew. But I looked neither to rising sun, nor smiling sky, nor wakening nature. He who is taken out to pass through a fair scene to the scaffold, thinks not of the flowers that smile on his road, but of the block and axe-edge; of the disseverment of bone and vein; of the grave gaping at the end: and I thought of drear flight and homeless wandering - and oh! with agony I thought of what I left. I could not help it. I thought of him now - in his room - watching the sunrise; hoping I should soon come to say I would stay with him and be his. I longed to be his; I panted to return: it was not too late; I could yet spare him the bitter pang of bereavement. As yet my flight, I was sure, was undiscovered. I could go back and be his comforter - his pride; his redeemer from misery, perhaps from ruin. Oh, that fear of his self-abandonment - far worse than my abandonment - how it goaded me! It was a barbed arrow-head in my breast; it tore me when I tried to extract it; it sickened me when remembrance thrust it farther in. Birds began singing in brake and copse: birds were faithful to their mates; birds were emblems of love. What was I? In the midst of my pain of heart and frantic effort of principle, I abhorred myself. I had no solace from self-approbation: none even from self-respect. I had injured - wounded - left my master. I was hateful in my own eyes. Still I could not turn, nor retrace one step. God must have led me on. As to my own will or conscience, impassioned grief had trampled one and stifled the other. I was weeping wildly as I walked along my solitary way: fast, fast I went like one delirious. A weakness, beginning inwardly, extending to the limbs, seized me, and I fell: I lay on the ground some minutes, pressing my face to the wet turf. I had some fear - or hope - that here I should die; but I was soon up, crawling forwards on my hands and knees, and then again raised to my feet - as eager and as determined as ever to reach the road.


My Chinese translation:

我跨越一幅幅田野、一個個欄柵和一條條小路,直到日出之後。我相信這是個可愛的夏日清晨,我發覺離開屋子時穿上的鞋很快已被露水濕透了;但我沒有看上升的太陽、微笑的天空或是蘇醒中的大自然。一個被引領穿過漂亮風景到斷頭台的人,想著的不是路上笑著盛放的鮮花,而是行刑台和刀斧邊緣,是骨頭和血管的碎裂,是張開口最後把你吞噬的墳墓;而我想著的是令人沮喪的逃避和無家可歸的流浪──噢!我懷著極度痛苦思考我到底留下了甚麼。我控制不了這樣做。現在我想起了他,正在他房間裡看著日出,期望我會很快到來對他說我會留下來和他一起,我會是他的。我盼望是他的,我渴望回去,現在仍不會太遲,我仍可以免除他喪失摯親的傷痛,我肯定到現在為止仍未有人發現我逃走了。我可以回去給他安慰,令他驕傲,救贖他於苦困之中,或許把他從毀滅中解救出來。噢!害怕他的自我放棄,遠較自己的自我放棄更為傷害時,是多折磨人的念頭啊!它是支有倒鉤的箭頭插進我的胸膛,當我想抽它出來時它撕裂我,當回憶令它插得更深時我病得更重。鳥兒開始在枝上林間歌唱;鳥兒忠於它們的伴侶,鳥兒是愛情的象徵。我是甚麼?於我內心的傷痛和對原則的瘋狂堅持之中,我憎惡自己。我沒有自我認可的安慰,甚至自尊也沒有。我曾損害、創傷、拋棄了主人。我自己看自己都覺可恨。然而,我不能轉身,不能掉頭走一步。上帝必定已經引領著我。至於我的個人意志或良心,充滿激情的傷痛踐踏其一,窒礙其二。我孤單走我路時瘋狂痛哭,飛快、飛快地走像是神志不清。一陣發自體內深處的虛弱漫延到四肢,攫住了我,令我倒下。我躺在地上幾分鐘,臉貼著濕草坪。我有些恐懼,或是希望,我會死在這裡;但我很快便撐起來,用雙手和膝頭向前爬,然後再次站起來,保持著熱切和堅定的步伐走到大路。


Translation of the same passage copied from a book for comparison:

我沿著草原、樹籬與田野小徑的邊緣走,一直走到太陽升起。我相信那是個怡人的夏日早晨, 我知道我的鞋子──我離開宅子之後把它穿上了──很快地就會被露水沾濕。但是我並不看那初昇的朝陽,不看那笑盈盈的天空,也不看逐漸甦醒的大自然。一個被押著經過美麗景色前往斷頭台的人,想的不是路邊對他微笑的花朵,而是斧臺和鍘刀的利刃,分開的骨頭和血管,以及最後那張開口的墓穴。我想的是傷心的逃亡,和無家可歸的流浪──以及噢!帶著痛苦,想著我所離開的一切,我不能自已。我想著他現在──在他房間裡──正看著日出,希望我再過不久會去找他,說我願意留在他身邊,成為他的人。我多想成為他的人啊,我渴望回去:現在還不太遲。我還可以免除他喪親般的劇痛。我確定,我的逃離此刻還沒有被發現。我還可以回去,成為他的安慰者──他的驕傲、他的悲慘的拯救者,或許還是他的毀滅的拯救者。噢,那害怕他會自暴自棄的心情──比我的自暴自棄還糟──是如何地刺痛著我啊!它就像我的胸口的一只有倒鉤的箭頭,在我試著拔它出來的時候,撕裂著我,而當回憶把它推得更深,又令我作嘔。鳥兒們開始在矮樹叢和灌木林裡唱起歌兒來;鳥對於配偶很忠誠,鳥是愛情的象徵。我是什麼呢?在我內心的痛苦和狂亂的道德努力中,我憎恨我自己。我不能從自我稱許,甚至是自尊自重之中得到安慰。我傷害了──重挫了──離棄了我的主人。我自己看自己都覺得可恨。然而我還是不能回頭,也不能回走一步。必定是上帝在領導著我前進。我自己的意志或意識呢,熱烈的悲痛已經把其中一個給踏死,把另一個給扼死了。我獨自走著孤單的路,一邊放肆地哭著;我像個發狂的人一樣,走得很快,很快。一陣來自內心的虛弱感,擴張到四肢去,箝制住我,於是我倒下。我在地上躺了幾分鐘,把臉壓在濕濕的草皮上。我有點害怕──或是希望──自己在這裡死去;不過我立刻就爬起來,用手和膝蓋往前爬,然後重新站起來──跟先前一樣急切而堅決地朝著那條路走去。

(Written on February 27, 2015)