My Twentieth Piece of Translation Exercise (passage from "Jane Eyre")Homepage List

61. My Twentieth Piece of Translation Exercise (passage from "Jane Eyre")

The original passage (taken from "Jane Eyre" (《簡愛》) by Charlotte Bronte):

I struck straight into the heath; I held on to a hollow I saw deeply furrowing the brown moorside; I waded knee-deep in its dark growth; I turned with its turnings, and finding a moss-blackened granite crag in a hidden angle, I sat down under it. High banks of moor were about me; the crag protected my head: the sky was over that. Some time passed before I felt tranquil even here: I had a vague dread that wild cattle might be near, or that some sportsman or poacher might discover me. If a gust of wind swept the waste, I looked up, fearing it was the rush of a bull; if a plover whistled, I imagined it a man. Finding my apprehensions unfounded, however, and calmed by the deep silence that reigned as evening declined at nightfall, I took confidence. As yet I had not thought; I had only listened, watched, dreaded; now I regained the faculty of reflection.

What was I to do? Where to go? Oh, intolerable questions, when I could do nothing and go nowhere! - when a long way must yet be measured by my weary, trembling limbs before I could reach human habitation - when cold charity must be intreated before I could get a lodging: reluctant sympathy importuned, almost certain repulse incurred, before my tale could be listened to, or one of my wants relieved!

I touched the heath: it was dry, and yet warm with the heat of the summer day. I looked at the sky; it was pure: a kindly star twinkled just above the chasm ridge. The dew fell, but with propitious softness; no breeze whispered. Nature seemed to me benign and good; I thought she loved me, outcast as I was; and I, who from man could anticipate only mistrust, rejection, insult, clung to her with filial fondness. To-night, at least, I would be her guest, as I was her child: my mother would lodge me without money and without price. I had one morsel of bread yet: the remnant of a roll I had bought in a town we passed through at noon with a stray penny - my last coin. I saw ripe bilberries gleaming here and there, like jet beads in the heath: I gathered a handful, and ate them with the bread. My hunger, sharp before, was, if not satisfied, appeased by this hermit's meal. I said my evening prayers at its conclusion, and then chose my couch.


My Chinese translation:

我直接走進那片荒原,小心翼翼地爬進一處深深犁進褐色荒地邊緣的低窪地。我掃過長到膝蓋的深色植物,我跟著彎彎曲曲的彎道轉,發現隱蔽處一塊佈滿黑苔的花崗岩壁,我在岩壁下方坐下來。高高的荒原堤岸包圍著我,遮擋了天空的岩壁護著我的頭。就算在這裡都要點時間我才能寧靜下來,我內心有朦朧的不安感覺,害怕附近有野牛,或是被練跑或盜獵者發現。如果刮起陣風吹動地上的廢枝殘葉,我向上望,害怕是隻公牛衝過來。若千鳥鳴叫我想像是一個人。然而,當發覺全部都是虛驚,以及黃昏消逝夜幕降臨時的靜穆安寧感覺,令我漸生安全感。一直無法思想,只會傾聽、觀察和害怕的我,現在恢復了思想的官能。

我要做甚麼?到哪裡去?噢!真無法忍受這樣的問題:當我不能做任何事情,去任何地方的時候!當我疲憊、顫抖的四肢須要捱完漫長的路程才能到達人居住的地方的時候!當我須要懇求冷漠的施捨才可以獲得容身之所的時候!當我須要苦苦哀求不情願施予的憐憫甚至引致對抗發生才肯傾聽我的故事、或者獲得施予其中一項我祈求的東西的時候!

我摸摸荒原地面,它是乾的,仍留有夏日熱力的餘溫。我望上天空,它光潔無雲,一顆和善的星星剛好在深坑邊緣上方閃爍不定。露水降下,卻是帶著吉利的柔軟感覺,完全聽不到微風細語。大自然好像對我善良溫厚,我想她是愛我──這個遭人遺棄的我。這個對人期盼卻只換來不信任、拒絕、辱罵的我,像子女對父母般充滿喜悅地投向她的懷抱。這夜我至少是她的客人,她的孩子,母親不講金錢和代價容留我。我仍保留著小片麵包,這是我們中午經過一個小鎮時我用我僅餘、零星的便士硬幣買的麵包捲的殘餘。我看見到處都是熟了的越橘漿果反射的微光,看去像荒原上的黑玉。我採摘到滿手都是,和麵包一塊兒吃。這份隱士之餐,如果仍未算滿足,卻已緩和了我之前的強烈飢餓感覺。吃完後,說過晚禱,我選擇了我的睡床。


Translation of the same passage copied from a book for comparison:

我直接走進石南叢中,繼續朝著我看到的一道凹溝走去,那凹溝深深陷落在褐色的石南沼地邊緣;我踏著其中直沒至膝的濃密草木艱難地前進;我隨著它的彎道而轉彎,發現在某個隱藏的角落裡,有一道佈滿苔蘚而變黑的花崗岩壁,我在它下方坐下。沼地高高的土堤就在我身邊,那岩壁保護住我的頭,天空在它之上。即使是在這裡,我都要過了段時間才覺得寧靜:我模模糊糊害怕著附近會有野獸,或者是某個狩獵者或偷獵人會發現我。有風掠過荒野,我就會抬起頭,生怕那是一頭公牛奔馳過來;若有千鳥呼嘯,我會以為是人。然而,在我發現自己的憂慮全然沒有根據,而在傍晚消逝、夜幕降下時,被統攝一切的深沉寂靜撫平了憂慮之後,我逐漸有了信心。到現在為止,我一直還沒有思考:我僅僅聽著、看著、憂慮著;現在才重新拾回反思的能力。

我該怎麼辦?該到哪裡去呢?噢,真是難受的問題,因為我什麼都不能做,也哪裡都去不成啊!──因為在我能到達有人類居住的地方之前,得先用疲累顫抖的肢體走完一大段路──因為在我能求得一宿之前,得先懇求別人冷漠的慈悲,在我的故事能有人願意聆聽之前,在我需要獲得緩和之前,得先再三央求不情願的同情,而且幾乎是確定會招來拒斥啊。

我摸摸石南,乾的,還留有夏日的溫暖。我看看天空,很純淨;就在斷壁邊緣的上方天空,有顆仁慈的星星在閃爍著。晚露降落,不過帶著慈悲的溫柔,沒有微風在呢喃。對我來說,大自然似乎是和藹而善良的;我認為她是愛我的,儘管我無處容身;從人類那兒只能指望得到不信任、拒絕和侮辱的我,帶著孺慕之情依戀著她。至少今晚,我將由她來收容,因為我是她的孩子:我的母親會願意不要錢也不要代價地讓我投宿。我還剩下一小口麵包,是中午經過一個小鎮時,我用零散的一便士──我最後一枚硬幣所買的麵包捲的殘餘物。我看見成熟的越橘像黑玉珠子一樣,這兒那兒地在石南叢中發亮。於是我去摘了一把,跟麵包一塊兒吃。我原本劇烈的飢餓,即使沒有獲得滿足,也讓這頓隱士之餐緩和了些。吃完的時候,我做了晚禱,然後找了個睡覺的地方。

(Written on March 6, 2015)