My Twenty-fifth Piece of Translation Exercise (passage from "Pride and Prejudice")Homepage List

71. My Twenty-fifth Piece of Translation Exercise (passage from "Pride and Prejudice")


The original passage (taken from "Pride and Prejudice" (《傲慢與偏見》) by Jane Austen):

They entered the woods, and bidding adieu to the river for a while, ascended some of the higher grounds; whence, in spots where the opening of the trees gave the eye power to wander, were many charming views of the valley, the opposite hills, with the long range of woods overspreading many, and occasionally part of the stream. Mr. Gardiner espressed a wish of going round the whole Park, but feared it might be beyond a walk. With a triumphant smile, they were told, that it was ten miles round. It settled the matter; and they pursued the accustomed circuit; which brought them again, after some time, in a descent among hanging woods, to the edge of the water, in one of its narrowest parts. They crossed it by a simple bridge, in character with the general air of the scene; it was a spot less adorned than any they had yet visited; and the valley, here contracted into a glen, allowed room only for the stream, and a narrow walk amidst the rough coppice-wood which bordered it. Elizabeth longed to explore its windings; but when they had crossed the bridge, and perceived their distance from the house, Mrs. Gardiner, who was not a great walker, could go no farther, and thought only of returning to the carriage as quickly as possible. Her niece was, therefore, obliged to submit, and they took their way towards the house on the opposite side of the river, in the nearest direction; but their progress was slow, for Mr. Gardiner, though seldom able to indulge the taste, was very fond of fishing, and was so much engaged in watching the occasional appearance of some trout in the water, and talking to the man about them, that he advanced but little. Whilst wandering on in this slow manner, they were again surprised, and Elizabeth's astonishment was quite equal to what it had been at first, by the sight of Mr. Darcy approaching them, and at no great distance. The walk being here less sheltered than on the other side, allowed them to see him before they met. Elizabeth, however astonished, was at least more prepared for an interview than before, and resolved to appear and to speak with calmness, if he really intended to meet them. For a few moments, indeed, she felt that he would probably strike into some other path. This idea lasted while a turning in the walk concealed him from their view; the turning past, he was immediately before them. With a glance she saw, that he had lost none of his recent civility; and, to imitate his politeness, she began, as they met, to admire the beauty of the place; but she had not got beyond the words "delightful," and "charming," when some unlucky recollections obtruded, and she fancied that praise of Pemberley from her, might be mischievously construed. Her colour changed, and she said no more.


My Chinese translation:

他們離開河流一陣子,走進樹林,登上一處高地;那裡,由於林木間的空地可讓人游目四盼,他們看到山谷無盡迷人的景色,對面大範圍覆蓋著林木的山巒,以及穿插其間的溪流。嘉迪納先生表示希望走遍整個林園,卻憂慮這可能不是一般的步行。他們被以一個勝利微笑告知走一圈是十英里路程。事情定下來了,他們依照慣常的路線前進,不久被引領到一處被斜掛的林木包圍的下坡山段,再次落到河流其中一處最狹窄的河段。他們跨過與四周景色融為一體的小橋到達彼岸,這地方比任何他們已遊覽過的地方更加不帶半點人工裝飾。這處山谷地已收窄為狹谷,只容得下溪流及一條邊緣長滿野生矮樹的小徑。伊麗莎白渴望探索這條蜿蜒小徑。但是當過橋後意識到離開房宅有多遠時,不慣走路的嘉迪納太太不願再行了,一心只想著盡快返回馬車。她的甥女不得不遵從,他們從河流另一邊沿著最短路線方向返回房宅。但是他們前進得甚慢,原因是嘉迪納先生──雖然平日甚少有機會沉溺於釣魚的樂趣──對垂釣甚是愛好,被水中時而湧現的鱒魚深深吸引,不時停下來跟導遊談論。就這樣緩慢行進間,達西先生在不遠處出現再次令他們詫異,而伊麗莎白的驚異程度跟前次相當。由於這段路比起對岸那段較少樹木遮蓋,令他們和他相遇前便已看到他。伊麗莎白雖感驚異,至少較上次能準備好與對方交談,只要他真的願意見面她會堅持見面和交談。的確,有段短時間她以為他會轉走別的路徑,這個想法在轉彎處隱藏了他的身影時維持了片刻,過了彎處他立刻在他們面前出現了。她瞥了他一眼,看到他保持著一直以來彬彬有禮的態度。碰面了,她仿傚他,彬彬有禮地開始說些讚賞這個地方美麗的說話。可是,當一些不幸回憶突然闖進腦際,除說了「愉快」和「迷人」外,她甚麼其他話語也說不出來,她總認為她對潘伯利的稱讚可能會被惡意解讀。她變了面色,不再說話了。


Translation of the same passage copied from a book for comparison:

他們走進樹林,離開了那條河一會,登上了些山坡;到了一處,朝著林間的空隙,舉目瀏覽,各處景致迷人;山谷、對面的山丘、許多山丘上一道道綿延的樹林、還有零星片段的河流。嘉德納先生表示有意繞莊園一周,只怕也許徒步走不完。園丁得意地笑說,繞園一周有十哩。大家說定了,就沿著尋常的繞園路線走;走了一會,又轉而往下,穿過夾道的陡坡林,來到溪水極窄處的水邊。從便橋過了溪;便橋的風格與周遭的景物協調,這裡比他們至今到訪過的地方更樸實無華;而到了這裡,山谷縮成了峽谷,僅容一條小溪,還有沿岸粗糙的矮林間的一條羊腸小徑。伊麗莎白渴望一探曲折;但是過橋後,眼看離大宅有多遠,腳步不健的嘉德納太太再也走不動了,一心想著儘快回到馬車那裡。於是,外甥女只得順從,一行人抄最近的路,朝著河對岸的大宅走;但是走得很慢,原來嘉德納先生十分喜愛釣魚,卻難得可以盡興,現在埋頭觀看水裡偶爾出現的三兩鱒魚,跟一旁的園丁說話,腳下就走不了幾步。這樣姍姍地徜徉著,忽然看見達西就在不遠處正走過來,再次叫他們意外,也叫伊麗莎白跟第一回一樣地驚奇。這邊的樹木比那邊疏落,讓他們未相遇就看得見他。伊麗莎白儘管驚奇,最少比上一回有數,如果他真的打算來會他們,自己的神情、說話一定要泰然自若。有一陣子,她真的以為他大概會拐到別的路去。這樣想著,他走到路的轉彎處就隱沒不見了;一繞過了彎,他赫然站在他們面前了。她一眼看出達西還保持著新近的禮貌;見了面,也想禮尚往來,就稱讚起這裡的美景來;才說了「好看」、「迷人」之類話,忽然想起些叫人喪氣的念頭,生怕自己讚美彭伯里,聽的人可能會想歪,臉一紅,不再多說。(譯:慈恩/出版:釀出版)

(Written on June 12, 2019)